Tag Archives: use of english

Burger buns two numbers, pizza bases three numbers

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 THERE ARE MORE people who make use of the English language in India (over 130 million) than in the UK (53 million). The language is a ‘lingua franca’ in India. However, like North American English, Indian English differs in some details from British English. For example,  whereas an Indian says “I will do the needful”, a Brit says “I will carry out what is required ” or  “I’ll do it”

 

While strolling through the market area of Jaisalmer today, we passed a bakery that listed its wares in English on a board outside the shop. This notice employed a commonly occurring Indian use of the word ‘numbers’ (abbreviated as ‘nos’). Amongst the produce that was sold in the store were the following: “Burger buns two nos”, “pizza base 3 nos.”, and “soup sticks 10 nos” What this means is that the shop sells burger buns as a pair, pizza bases in threes, and packs of 10 soup sticks.

 

You can often find the same usage of the word ‘number’ in restaurant menus. For example, “pakoras (6 numbers)” means that the portion you will be served will include 6 pakoras.

 

This particular Indian English usage of the word ’number’ is widespread, as is the usage of  ‘avail’ as a verb. In India to avail something means to take advantage of an opportunity  or something offered, whereas in literary English it means to help or to assist, as in, for example, “no amount of struggle availed him”.

 

The English language is one of a few useful benefits of the centuries of British  rule in India. Yet, it has undergone some interesting adaptations by its users on the Subcontinent. I have described a few of these, but there are plenty more.

When less became very much more

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IN JANUARY 1994, we had a Hindu wedding ceremony in the Indian city of Bangalore. Although the ceremony was attended mostly by family and a few close friends, the reception that followed it had about 350 guests, most of whom I had never met before. So, as an attempt to introduce me to some of them, my parents-in-law arranged a series of parties to introduce me to some of them before the ‘big day’. The gatherings were held in the spacious living room of my in-laws’ home in Koramangala – a suburb of Bangalore. As with many parties held in India, the proceedings began with a long session of drinks and snacks (‘finger food’). The parties end with food served at a buffet. Once, this late supper has been consumed, the guests leave, and the occasion ends abruptly.

My in-laws had a bar counter in their living room. At each party, an off-duty employee from the Bangalore Club was hired to serve as barman. Back in 1994, my preferred alcoholic drink was vodka. I enjoyed drinking it either with lumps of ice or with a drop of water.

At one of the series of parties, I went up to the bar and asked for vodka with water. I was handed a tall glass (approximately 330 ml, I guess) filled with a transparent, colourless liquid. I sipped it. It was rather dilute vodka – not very exciting! When I had finished the glass, I returned to the bar, and said:

“Another vodka, but less water this time, please.”

I did not watch the barman preparing my drink. He handed me a freshly filled glass, which was the same size as the one I had just emptied.

I took a small taste of my second drink. I could not believe what I tasted: it was neat vodka. The barman had poured me a third of a litre of pure vodka. I could not believe my luck. As the evening moved on, I took sips of my reservoir of vodka, and chatted to various people – I hope reasonably coherently.

Eventually, the drinking part of the evening’s proceedings were over, and people began to partake of the dishes on the buffet. Being a member of the family, I waited until the guests had taken their food, before approaching the tables where it was displayed. As I reached a counter, I felt my ankles weakening, and I thought that I might have been just about to topple over, which would not have looked good. Luckily, the vodka had not affected my brain. So, sensing the imminent risk of falling, I gripped the counter with my hands, and thereby averted embarrassing the family.

Now, my drinking habits are not the main point of this short tale. It is the meaning of the word ‘less’ in English spoken in India that is important. If, for example, you want to order coffee without sugar in India, you should say:

“Sugar less.”

That does not mean that you want less sugar in your coffee. It means you do not want any sugar in your beverage. It has taken me years of visiting India to realise this meaning of ‘less’. That is, ‘less’ means ‘none’. I did not know this in January 1994 when I asked for less water in my vodka. I suspect what happened was that English was not the barman’s mother tongue. So, hearing, the word ‘less’, when I had asked for ‘less water’, he had believed that I wanted not a drop of water in my drink.

Your vehicle is no longer taxed

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A CROWD OF CROOKS is out to steal your money, but they vary considerably in skill. Today, I received the following email bearing the triangular logo of the DVLA (Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency). It was addressed to my email address not to me, the licence holder, by name. It reads as follows:

_________

𝗬our 𝘃ehicle is no 𝗹onger 𝘁axed.

Dear myemailaddress@hotmail.com,

𝐃VLA have been notified electronically about you latest 𝐩ayment for your 𝐯ehicle tax failed because there is not enough 𝐦oney on you debit card.

We sent you a 𝐃VLA bill, and we still haven’t received 𝐩ayment.

Acknowledge that it’s illegal to drive your 𝐯ehicle until you’ve taxed it.

𝗧ax 𝘆our 𝘃ehicle – 𝗦TART 𝗡OW >

Notice: Un-taxed vehicles risk a fine of up to £240. 𝗬our 𝘃ehicle is no 𝗹onger 𝘁axed.

 Yours sincerely

@GOV.UK

Vehicles Service Manager        

_________

Many of the letters in the email were in bold type. The words ‘START NOW’ is a hyperlink, which I did not click. Initially, I was concerned, but only for a few seconds. This obvious scam contains something in common with many other scam emails that try to worry the reader into believing that something momentous might happen if the instructions in the email are ignored. That common factor, which is well-illustrated above is bad use of the English language. For example, in this case:

“𝐃VLA have been notified electronically about you latest 𝐩ayment …”,

and

“Acknowledge that it’s illegal to drive your 𝐯ehicle until you’ve taxed it.”

Neither of these mistakes would have been made by the DVLA, nor would that organisation have signed itself as “@GOV.UK, Vehicles Service Manager”

Also, the DVLA would know my name and would address me by that, rather than by my email address. Just in case you missed the erroneous wording of the email, you might become suspicious of the sender’s email address: pashegm@hotmail.com, which does not look like the kind of email address that the official DVLA would use.

So, there is a great need to brush up on your use of the English language if you wish to succeed, you contemptible bunch of damnable scammers.

In brief, this scam email was hardly convincing, and the dishonest sender deserves to reap a poor reward, if any, for his or her pathetic attempt to rob me of cash or, worse, sensitive banking or similar details. So, please read all emails carefully before making an error that you might easily regret.

PS: my vehicle is taxed until June 2021. You can check the validity of your vehicle’s tax on https://www.gov.uk/check-vehicle-tax